Sparkle and Sherlock
by SociopathinaTrenchcoat
Summary: Basically John and Sherlock are sent to the realm of the film 'Nativity' where John must now pretend to be Mr Maddens (AU version of himself) and put on the school nativity with the reluctant help of Sherlock. Not all of Mr Maddens' story is used, just the basics so I decided no Jennifer, just Sherlock and John trying to put on a play. Slight Johnlock possible
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal day on Baker Street. Sherlock was pacing in front of the window and complaining about not having a case to solve and John was sitting in his chair by the fire typing up their latest case.

"John, I need a case!" Sherlock complained, kicking the table as he passed it.

"We just solved one, literally an hour ago." John replied incredulously, peering at the detective over the top of his laptop. The man could get bored like a child.

"But I'm bored now. It's been one hour too long." Sherlock whined as he flopped onto the sofa and then kicked at the cushions.

John sighed and rubbed his temples "Why don't you go get some milk from the shop? We're running low." He suggested merely to get the man out of his hair for a few minutes.

Sherlock turned to face John and made a face "Milk?"

John nodded "Yes, milk. Y'know the stuff we put in tea."

"I know what milk is John." Sherlock muttered "I just don't think milk warrants my effort to go and get it."

"You really are full of yourself aren't you?"

A glare from Sherlock however he mumbled "Yes, that's who I am." Then stood up and headed into the kitchen.

"Fine well I'll go get the milk then." John gave up on his blog and slammed his laptop shut, also standing up as he grabbed his wallet "I'll be back in a bit." Then he headed out the door.

* * *

An hour later and John returned with his hands full of bags, having decided to pick up some other things too whilst he was at Tesco's.

"Sherlock I'm back!" he announced as he entered the flat and dumped the heavy bags down in the kitchen, noticing that the detective wasn't in there.

"Please tell me he hasn't gone out on a case whilst I was gone." He muttered as he abandoned the bags and went to go and find his flatmate.

John checked back in the lounge then knocked on the bathroom door but there was no reply. He sighed again then decided that checking Sherlock's room would be the best idea.

"Sherlock?" he peered his head round the door and was surprised to see the taller man curled up on the bed, fast asleep.

John raised an eyebrow. He hadn't been expecting that.

Sherlock rarely slept but he guessed the case had exhausted him even though he hadn't shown it and he decided to let the guy sleep. He needed it.

John closed the door quietly then went back to the kitchen to put away the groceries.

After the groceries were put away John returned to his chair and continued typing up his blog until it was time for dinner. He made himself a simple spaghetti and left some over if Sherlock wanted some later but he wasn't going to wake him up to eat with the likelihood that he wouldn't eat it anyway and then would only be missing out on the only sleep he'd gotten in a week.

Once he had eaten John read a book and finally decided to head to bed himself. Sherlock hadn't stirred this whole time so he just assumed he was still asleep. He changed into pyjamas and got into bed, falling asleep shortly afterwards with the intention of waking up early the next morning to continue his blog.


	2. Chapter 2

John awoke around 7am the next morning, expecting to be awoken to the sounds of Sherlock's violin however the flat was oddly quiet.

The doctor yawned as he ran a hand through his hair and slid out of bed, reaching for his slippers but they weren't there and that was when he realized what was wrong.

This wasn't their flat at all.

And this wasn't John's room which explained his missing slippers.

The man stood silently just staring around this strange room for a few moments before he finally worked up the courage to explore the house.

It turned out the house was quite small and plain yet John found it almost cozy. However he smiled as he saw the large Christmas tree in the living room which added a splash of colour to the whole room. They didn't have one in their flat; Sherlock had said it was too much of a mess for just one season, much to John's disappointment.

However that smile soon disappeared as Sherlock came running in, not looking happy "What is going on John?" he demanded as if John had any more of a clue than he did.

"I have no idea…maybe we've been kidnapped?" he suggested

Sherlock walked over to the windows and pulled back the curtains, revealing scenery that definitely was not London. Now they appeared to be in some small, English town that looked nothing like their home.

A sign caught his attention which told them their location.

'Coventry' it read.

"John…"

John stopped looking at the Christmas tree and went over to stand at the window beside Sherlock, his mouth dropping open as he looked outside.

"Something is…very wrong here."

This prompted Sherlock to start pacing "How could this have happened?" he suddenly paused, his pale eyes widening with realization "Moriarty. He's the only person with enough power to do this."

John gave a snort "Of all the things he could have been doing, you think he decided to relocate us in the middle of the night to Coventry. What's the point?"

Sherlock wrung his hands together thoughtfully "Yes, what is his motive? What does he get out of this?"

"Amusement?" John suggested as he went to have a look in the kitchen, hoping whoever normally lived here had some decent food.

"No. My brother is the kind of person to derive pleasure out of my discomfort. Moriarty however is above that. If he did this then he must have a reason." Sherlock mused to himself "But what is it?"

A few minutes later John returned to the living room with a plate of toast and two cups of tea.

"Cuppa?" John asked as he sat down on the brown sofa near the Christmas tree and put the plate and cups down on the coffee table.

Sherlock looked up from his thinking for a moment and nodded, moving to sit beside John and picked up a cup.

The two men were quietly content for a moment whilst John ate and Sherlock drank his tea however Sherlock soon stood up again and started snooping around for clues on who was supposed to be living here.

Minutes later a joyful Sherlock returned, carrying a bundle of papers in his hands.

John looked up "You look happy, you didn't find a corpse did you?"

"No. But I found some paperwork which is rather intriguing." He pushed the stack towards John and sat beside him.

John put down his tea and picked up the papers, surprised to find that he couldn't read them. His vision appeared to be blurry.

"Something wrong?" Sherlock questioned as John rubbed his eyes and blinked repeatedly.

"I…I don't understand. I can't read them."

A small smirk appeared on Sherlock's face "Didn't you go to school John? You learn to read there." He teased

John scowled "I mean I can't physically see them you smart ass."

Sherlock's eyebrows furrowed and he got up again and searched around the house until he returned with a pair of black glasses.

"Here. Maybe Moriarty impaired your vision whilst he was doing whatever the hell this is."

"I've never needed to wear glasses in my life." John said however he picked them up anyway and put them on, incredibly surprised when he found the pages in his lap to now be crystal clear.

He pushed this odd discovery to the side and focused his attention on the pages and soon wished he hadn't.

On the first page was a name of a casting company and then right in the center was a large black and white picture of John.


	3. Chapter 3

"S-Sherlock…" John got out, eyes wide with horror as he stared at the familiar face on the page.

Sherlock leaned over and looked at the page, pulling a slight face as he saw the picture "That's…you."

"B-but it's not me!" John replied, eyes scanning the rest of the page which was blank aside from a name in bold letters below the photo "It's someone named 'Paul Maddens'. But he…has my face."

He rubbed his forehead and tried hard to think and suddenly an idea came to him.

"Sherlock, I think that actually is me."

Sherlock raised an eyebrow "So you're telling me that in your spare time you're an actor who goes by the alias Paul Maddens? Sorry John but I don't think I can believe that."

John took a deep breath "No, I don't mean that…" he sighed "I'm going to sound crazy but…I think this is me in…another universe."

A silence hung in the air for a moment before it was broken by Sherlock's laughter "You can't be serious John. An alternate universe where you're this man? Sorry but I think you need some more tea because you clearly aren't thinking straight."

Anger flowed through John at the mocking "I'm not insane Sherlock! It's quite a plausible idea."

"Right. And there's an alternate version of me running around somewhere who's a fairy princess." Sherlock continued to mock then he suddenly turned serious "However if that is your assumption then I will accept it until I come up with a better idea."

John gave a sigh of relief "Thank you." He looked back at the page "Right. Well my suggestion is that I just pretend to be this guy until we figure out what Moriarty has done."

"Seems a bit risky." Sherlock replied then grinned "I love it!"

John rolled his eyes "Well at least you're happy about this." He muttered then started to look through the other papers, assuming that he should probably read up on this man if he wanted to be him convincingly.

"Right. Well he isn't an actor anymore, he stopped around 3 years ago and he now is…" he scanned the page for the information, biting his lip when he found it "A primary school teacher at St Bernadette's in Coventry." He held up the certificate that showed Paul's teaching qualification.

"A primary school teacher." Sherlock looked horrified "You mean with…with children?"

"Yes, that's the whole point of schools Sherlock. To teach children."

Sherlock rubbed his head "I hate children."

John raised an eyebrow "A bit harsh. You've never even been around children before have you?"

"No, and I don't intend to start now."

"Suit yourself. You don't have to come with me. It seems you aren't in this universe so you can just stay here while I go to…work." John stood up and looked at the clock "Although I don't know what time the school starts." He decided to look on the school website and he searched around and soon discovered a laptop in the bedroom but that wasn't the only thing he found.

"Uh, Sherlock?" he called and soon the man was standing beside him.

"What is it?"

John gestured to the big ball of brown fur on the bed "I think we have another housemate." He wasn't all that happy about the dog because he didn't know how to take care of one but Sherlock seemed almost happy.

A rare genuine smile had formed on his face as he approached the dog and gave its head a gentle stroke "He seems friendly." He commented as the dog yawned and rolled over for Sherlock to scratch its belly which the man did much to the dog's satisfaction.

"I never took you for a dog person." John commented with a smile, enjoying seeing his flatmate like this.

"I had one as a child. His name was Redbeard." Sherlock replied with an almost sad smile as he stroked the dog contently.

John sensed that it was a sensitive subject for the man so he didn't ask any further questions and merely said "Well I guess you'll be in charge of taking care of him then because I have no experience with pets."

"Alright." Sherlock agreed

"Good." John picked up the laptop and perched on the edge of the bed and opened it, grunting in annoyance when it asked for a password.

"Sherlock I have something that you can help me with." He showed the laptop to Sherlock "I need to know his password."

Sherlock nodded and started a search round the room but there wasn't much in it to analyse and soon he turned his attention back to the dog.

"Sherlock I really need your help here. I don't want to miss work because you want to play with the man's dog."

"I'm checking for a nametag John." Sherlock replied and soon found one "Try 'Cracker' for the password."

"That's his name?" John raised an eyebrow "Guy must really like Christmas." He typed 'Cracker' into the password box and sure enough it unlocked "What idiot uses their dog's name as their password. It's too easy to guess."

"Apparently alternate universe you." Sherlock chuckled, adjusting his coat collar.

"Shut up." John muttered as he opened up the internet and searched the name of the school which brought him to the website.

"It starts at 9am." John looked at the clock beside the bed and leapt to his feet "It's 8:45!" he closed the laptop in a hurry and ushered Sherlock out of the room so he could get dressed.

Once Sherlock and the dog were out John rifled through the dresser, finding to his annoyance that it contained Paul's clothes, not his however luckily they seemed to have a similar fashion sense and it was mainly button up shirts and sweaters although that was about all there was, as well as an extensive tie collection hanging in the wardrobe and a grey overcoat.

"I miss my jacket." John said as he thought wistfully of his cargo jacket that he always wore whilst he dressed in a white button up shirt, black, smart trousers, a grey button up sweater and a black tie as well as plain black socks and shoes.

He wasn't sure about the temperature outside so he picked up the coat too just incase it was cold. It was December afterall.

"Okay I'll see you later Sherlock. Please keep out of trouble." John almost begged as he grabbed the man's wallet and phone from the dining table and stuffed them into his pockets then scrawled the phone number on a piece of paper and put it somewhere Sherlock would be able to find it.

"Yes, yes I'll be fine." Sherlock replied aggrevately as John rushed around although he couldn't help but smile a bit at the clothes the man was wearing. He looked like a schoolboy.

"Good." John hurriedly threw some food into a brown shoulder bag he'd found in the bedroom for lunch and the papers about Paul incase he needed to know something.

"Bye then." He said as he finally left however he was back in the house again instantly "Guy doesn't have a car. Bike." John sighed as he grabbed a blue helmet near the door and jammed it onto his head then left again, pulling on the grey coat as it really was cold outside.

Outside, leaned against the house was a silver bike which John stared at for a moment before getting onto it "I never thought I'd be riding one of these again." He murmured under his breath as he started pedaling down the street, a bit shaky at first from lack of practice but he soon steadied himself and was picking up speed when he suddenly realized he had no idea where he was going.

"Damn it." John muttered then quickly approached the kindest looking person he could to ask for directions which happened to be a rather pretty woman.

"Paul Maddens, right? Haven't you lived here for five or so years?" the woman asked with a chuckle when John asked for directions to the school "Surely you know where you work."

John felt worry start to creep up inside him as he tried to quickly come up with an excuse "Yes well uh, I had a rough morning and I just need a prompt to help me out." He tried, forcing a chuckle.

Luckily the woman didn't catch onto John's lie and she smiled and said "Keep going straight through town then take two lefts and a right then it's right there."

"Thank you." John breathed then went on his way as quickly as he could.

John ended up arriving at 'St Bernadette's Elementary School' at 9:10, 10 minutes late but he had thought up around a hundred excuses for being late by the time he had gotten there but it didn't mean he wasn't still nervous. It was like he was going for his first day at a new job except everyone expected him to know what he was doing which made it much worse.

He carefully leaned his bike up against a wall at the back of the school, not bothering to try and find a bike rack and he hurried inside, pulling his helmet off as he entered and ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to make it neater.

"Mr Maddens? Goodness you are late!" a larger lady with dirty blonde hair said as she saw John entering.

Another wave of panic went over John as he realized he knew no one's names but he hid it with a sheepish smile, his smart excuses going out the window "I know, sorry I had a bad morning." He gave her the same excuse he'd given the lady he'd asked for instructions, hoping she would buy it.

Thankfully for John the lady just shook her head fondly "Everyone has those. Now the kids are in assembly right now so just sneak in the back and no one should notice."

John appreciated the help and showed it with a real smile "Thank you." He looked around and his eyes soon landed on a large set of doors which he assumed lead into the main school hall where the assembly was taking place.

Ignoring the overwhelming nostalgia he got from being here John wandered about and soon found a side door leading into the hall which he quietly entered through and managed to grab a chair at the back of the room without too many people looking at him and he just gave them an awkward wave if they did look and they soon turned around again.

"Good morning children." A round lady with auburn hair in a bun announced from the front of the room and soon around a hundred small voices were echoing back to her

"Good morning Mrs Bevan."

Well at least he now knew one of the teacher's names and this one appeared to hold some importance from the way the other teachers around him were acting in her presence so he presumed she was the headmistress.

"Well isn't this exciting, we're only a few weeks away from Christmas!" Mrs Bevan said excitedly and the children all expressed their mutual excitement, causing John to smile slightly as he remembered what it was like to be a child at Christmas. It was quite exciting and John missed it frankly.

"Which also means that it's time to start getting ready for our nativity play this year."

John didn't pay much attention as the lady went on about past nativities and 'beating Oakmoore this year' because he had no idea what she was talking about and he only zoned back in when he heard his name…his fake name being said.

"Mr Maddens!"

John blinked and looked around,seeing many pairs of eyes staring at him whilst the children cheered.

What have I done? John thought to himself in a panic, now bitterly wishing he'd been paying attention as he just sat there like a statue.

"Come on Mr Maddens, come on up." Mrs Bevan encouraged with a smile and slowly John got to his feet , noticing briefly that his hands were shaking so he put them in his pockets to hide it as he made his way up to the front of the hall, feeling everyone's eyes burning into him.

He hated being the center of attention unlike Sherlock so he really wasn't enjoying this. Especially when he had to pretend to be someone else on top of that.

John forced a smile and tried hard not to look terrified as he still said nothing and just stood there until the applause died down and Mrs Bevan spoke once more.

"I'm sure you'll do a great job with the nativity this year, Mr Maddens."

John felt his eyes involuntarily widen as the words sunk in "What?"

The word came out of his mouth before he could stop it. He was just so confused.

"Pardon." Mrs Bevan corrected as some of the children sniggered at John's 'rude' language.

"Sorry…I think I must have missed what you said before. What am I doing?" John asked as quietly as he could.

Mrs Bevan laughed "I think Mr Maddens left his brain at home today." She teased and the children laughed, causing John to feel his ears burning in shame. He really didn't want to be here.

Thankfully his embarrassment had paid off as the lady repeated herself "What I said Mr Maddens was that this year you will be directing the nativity play."

Dread filled John's heart as the words hit him however he managed to fake delight "Of course! Well I am very excited to do it and I hope I can do the school proud." He gave a fake smile which seemed to be convincing as the children started clapping again.

"Wonderful. Now shall we sing some carols?" Mrs Bevan suggested

John took that as his cue to leave and he shuffled back to his seat,his body feeling like it was full of lead.

He didn't stick around to hear the Christmas carols and instead snuck back out of the hall and fumbled about for his or 'Paul's' phone and after searching through his contacts John phoned his home number in hopes that Sherlock would pick up and possibly be able to help him out of this fix.


	4. Chapter 4

John closed his eyes as he listened to the ringing go on and on as no-one picked up the phone

"Please Sherlock, answer the damn phone."

But lo and behold it went to voicemail instead "Sherlock, call me back, I'm in a fix right now and I could really use some advice." John grunted after the beep of the voicemail tone then hung up.

"Argh! Bet he's playing with that bloody dog and didn't hear the phone." John grumbled to himself as he stuffed the phone in his pocket and turned to head back to the hall because there wasn't anywhere else he could go and he did have a class now that he had to deal with.

However as he turned, still with an annoyed look on his face, he met a student who had gone to find him and they shrieked as they saw the expression on his face and then ran off.

John sighed and rubbed his face, leaning against the wall "Great. I've only been here five minutes and I'm already scaring children. Thank God Sherlock isn't here or all the children would have ran away."

He was just forcing himself to calm down when he felt a tap on the shoulder "Mr Maddens?" it was the lady from earlier, the one who had helped him sneak into the assembly.

John forced himself to not look like he hated everything and turned to face the lady.

"Are you alright? You seem a bit…off."

John panicked a little internally. He clearly wasn't acting very like Paul Maddens if people already suspected something was off.

"Yes." John pulled a sad expression "I just…had a bad weekend. I lost my…grandmother and it's been hard on me." He lied

The teacher's face filled with sympathy "Oh I'm so sorry Paul, I had no idea." She put a hand on his arm which John pretended to appreciate.

"It's alright." He replied

"You should have said something. I'm sure Mrs Bevan would have understood if you took some time off."

John shook his head quickly "No. I need to get my mind off of it. I'd rather be doing something." That was true for when he actually was going through a tough time, he needed to keep busy or he'd lose it. That was what he did after Afghanistan to keep himself sane before Sherlock came along and there was never really a spare moment to think about it.

The woman smiled "Alright then but let me know if you need anything."

She then turned away and was caught by another teacher who started talking to her and John caught a name. 'Miss Rye'.

Well that was one more name he knew.

John was about to head back to the hall when he heard the chatter of children filling the hall and multiple children suddenly came up to him. John just stared stupidly at them for a minute before realizing he had to lead them back to their classroom.

"Right. Well back to class then." He said as he started walking down the hallway, hoping that he'd just come across the classroom because he didn't know where it was.

Some of the children giggled and John stopped walking "Mr Maddens you're going the wrong way."

John turned to see the children watching him with grins on their faces, clearly finding this funny.

"Of course. I was just joking." John replied and headed the other way, walking slowly down the corridor and looking at each classroom door closely, praying there would be a sign and thankfully he soon found one which read 'Mr Maddens' class' on the door.

"Here we are." He opened the door and let all of the children inside, feeling nerves rising up in him as he noticed how many there were; at least 20.

Oh boy he was way in over his head.

* * *

No sooner had he sat down at his desk and put his bag down that the children decided to run riot, throwing paper, standing on the tables and shouting.

John just stared in disbelief. Since when were children so disrespectful? He was still and quiet for a moment then decided he should probably intervene if he didn't want to lose Paul his job.

"Uh, children…" John stopped. He sounded like a fool who had no idea what he was doing, which frankly was what he was but he wasn't supposed to sound like it.

"Uh, kids…" no, that was weak too.

"Everybody, sit down now and be quiet!" he ended up saying loudly, his years in the army making it easy for him to be able to be heard over the children who instantly stopped what they were doing and sat down and became quiet.

"Thank you." John rubbed his face, taking a brief moment to glance over the classroom, noticing lots of brightly coloured displays on the walls with some of the children's work and some educational posters with information on simple primary school things like Division and Nouns.

This was when he realized he had no idea what he was doing...again.

John had never taught anyone anything in his life, asides teaching Sherlock a few things like how not to get punched in the face everytime he talks to a woman, but teaching children things like how to read and write, he had no idea what to do.

"So, who would like to tell me what we're learning about? Just so I know you've all remembered." John asked in hopes that would help if he knew what the children were supposed to be learning.

"We've been learning how to write stories Mr Maddens." A girl wearing a striped hat spoke up.

"Of course, thank you-" he looked around for a hopes of learning the children's names and he relaxed as he saw a seating chart on the desk "Sam." He finished then noticed the hat which he was quite sure shouldn't be worn inside "Would you mind taking your hat off whilst you're inside please Sam?" he asked and the children gasped.

"But Mr Maddens Sam never takes her hat off!"

"It's lucky!"

"You can't do that!"

John could tell that he'd sparked a nerve with the children and instantly backed off "Alright, sorry, I forgot how important it was to Sam." The class seemed to let John of, much to his relief as he didn't know what he'd do if they suddenly hated him which he knew would just make this task even harder.

"Okay, well why don't you all work on your stories and I'll get planning the nativity then?"

A cheer showed that he'd said the right thing and John smiled in victory then proceeded to search for the children's workbooks which for John's sake were in plain view which avoided an embarrassing potential of having to ask the class where they were.

"Here." John said to himself as he walked to the front of the class again before suddenly realizing that he didn't know the children's names well enough to hand out the books without looking at the seating chart which would look suspicious for a man who was supposed to have worked here for two years and would definitely know their names off by heart.

"Why don't you all come up and get your books, I just need to make a quick phone call." John suggested, placing the stack of books on the front desk then pulling Paul's phone from his pocket "One moment." With that he left the classroom and leaned against the wall outside.

"Come on Sherlock, pick up." John said under his breath as he tried Paul's home number again and this time much to John's relief he soon heard his flatmate's voice on the other end of the line.

"Aren't you supposed to be teaching, John?"

John sighed, rubbing his head "Yes but I'm in a little fix…"

"A fix? What kind of fix? Not our kind I hope."

John sighed "No, there's no psychopath murderer in the school or anything-" he paused, lowering his voice "I…Paul has been nominated to do the annual school nativity."

John could practically hear Sherlock's thought process as he took in what John had told him "And why should that effect you?"

"Because right now I am Paul, Sherlock!" John snapped then took a breath "Look, I'm an army doctor, you're a detective-"

"Consulting detective." Sherlock corrected instantly

John grunted in irritation "Shut up. Anyway my point is that neither of us are qualified to take care of children, let alone plan a bloody nativity play, but I need your help. I can't do this by myself."

Sherlock sighed "But I hate children."

"Sherlock please." John was begging now "For me."

An irritated sigh from the phone showed that John's persuasion was successful "Fine…I'll be there soon." Sherlock muttered then hung up before John could even thank him.

John turned the phone off and put it back in his pocket then returned to the classroom where the class was quietly writing away.

Sherlock wasn't exactly the ideal person to help him but he was John's only hope right now.

Besides, he couldn't be _that_ bad with children could he?


End file.
